It may sound like a very tired old joke, but here goes …
\n“How many electricians does it take to fit a dishwasher?”
\nAnswer …
\nOne electrician …
\nand a plumber,
\nand a joiner,
\nand a cleaner (or two),
\nand a computer expert (plus a few computer numpties)
\na retailer or two,
\nlots of Internet time,
\na partridge in a pear tree (just kidding!)
\nand just about everything else.<\/p>\n
The task was simple. Fit a dishwasher. In its own kitchen space, so that the previous dishwasher (rented) could go, and donate its space to a tumble drier that had spent the past year sitting on top of the worktop, wasting valuable worktop space.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, a dishwasher needs a water supply and a drain, so it had to be near the sink. No spare spaces available. We had already fitted a washing machine, and the only remaining unit was a double unit that held the sink. Difficult to move, sinks!<\/p>\n
Stroke of genius! (wife, not me!).<\/p>\n
If we cut the sink unit in half, without disturbing the sink, we could fit a slimline dishwasher. Check with measuring tape. Perfect! Bought a white edge panel from B&Q (overpriced), and a small saw.
\nRemove drawer from sink unit. Cut down the dotted line (drawn by me). Cut out pipe-sized bits from edge panel. A few screws, and a bit of shelf shortening.
\nVoila! A 455 millimetre hole. All we need now is a dishwasher.<\/p>\n
Check dishwashers and prices on the Internet. Select desired model and make. Bosch, as it happens. Narrow it down to either AO or Currys. Same price. Both offer trade-in discount of \u00a350. AO insist on trading in a dishwasher (rental people might object!) but Currys will accept any old ‘large kitchen appliance’. We had an old washing machine cluttering up the garage. Double-checked with Currys. OK. Place the order on the Internet.<\/p>\n
Or, I would have done. But …
\nMy computer monitor blew up. Black screen. Dead as a bone. Used my laptop to eBay a replacement PCB. $25 plus postage ($15) from San Jose in California.
\nUndeterred, I ordered the dishwasher and received a delivery date. The next Monday. Great stuff! Only two days till delivery. Enough time to fix my car which had suddenly developed an inability to raise its hard-top from the stowed position. Inconvenient when raining.<\/p>\n
Monday came …
\n… and went!
\nNo dishwasher!
\nPhoned Currys. They would check. Waited on the phone while the music played. Eventually an answer. They had no idea when the dishwasher would be delivered. Up to the manufacturer. Nowt to do with them.
\nI actually managed to cancel the order without swearing once. On the phone, anyway. What a shower of %*$(^@$($!!!
\nOf course, will have to wait till they refund the money. Funny how it goes out of my account in milliseconds, but takes several working (and more than a few non-working) days to come back.<\/p>\n
Ordered the dishwasher from AO. Next day delivery from stock. Cost us more, but they delivered what they promised. When they promised. Recommended.<\/p>\n
Which left us enough time to clean up the mess left by my joinery attempts.
\nExcept for the fact that the Dyson refused to suck when we tried to use it. Dead! Gone! Truly shocking timing. Now that sucks! Or not, in actuality!
\nSearch attic for old hoover. Well hidden – but we found it. Cleaned up the mess.<\/p>\n
By now, we were juggling money in and out of bank accounts, waiting for the Currys refund. It would not have been a problem if the accountant at my work had arranged my monthly pay BEFORE he went on holiday for a fortnight …<\/p>\n
On my laptop, I was able to trace the passage of my PCB from San Jose, on its trip to the UK.<\/p>\n
Arrive San Jose.
\nDepart San Jose.
\nArrive Philadelphia.
\nDepart Philadelphia.
\nArrive Philadelphia.
\nDepart Philadelphia.
\nDepart Philadelphia
\nArrive Philadelphia.
\nDepart Philadelphia.
\nArrive Philadelphia.
\n(No mistakes here. It did appear to circulate around Philadelphia. Sometimes departing before it arrived.)
\nArrive Cincinnati.
\nDepart Cincinnati.
\nArrive Cincinnati.
\nDepart Cincinnati.
\nArrive Erlanger, Kentucky.
\n(Where it came and went in a very familiar fashion for a few days, before it went through Customs and was despatched to an ‘International’ destination.
\nAnd promptly vanished for several days.
\nOutside the continental US has the same priority as ‘down the back of the sofa’!
\nSuddenly, it appeared in Lancashire, and while I was trying to determine its current whereabouts, it arrived on my doorstep.
\nIt took eBay Tracking another 24 hours to track it around Newmarket AFTER it had been delivered.<\/p>\n
Long story, nearly finished.<\/p>\n
PC monitor now working. Dishwasher fitted. Car top going up AND down.
\nA quick scurry to hire a Rug Doctor to clean the living-room carpet before the new sofa arrived. Which had been ordered months ago, and then chose to arrive in company with everything else. Hard work that. B&Q asked for my passport and my driving licence before they would allow me to hire one. Sod that! Went to Tescos and did it all on the phone in the shop.<\/p>\n
First time we tried to use the dishwasher, we discovered that I had forgotten to switch on the socket. On the wall. Behind the dishwasher.
\nNobody’s perfect.<\/p>\n
On the Sunday, we drove out into the country for lunch. In my car. With the top down. It was a lovely day. Sun shining. Nice meal. Worth the trip.<\/p>\n
All my trials, Lord! Soon be over.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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