No! Not the one in Texas, the adobe Mission where a handful of Texicans fought Generalissimo Santa Anna. Not that struggle in which John Wayne and a bevvy of Hollywood A-listers, supported only by a cast of thousands, film crews, sound people, make-up artists, canteen staff and the odd dog. No. Not that one.
The Alamo that I refer to is the Car Rental Alamo. For many a year, a swearword in our house. Over the past 15 years, we have visited the USA more than a few times, and in the USA, you need a car. (Manhattan excepted) And in that time, we have been mucked around by Alamo about one time in two. Being charged twice for one booking (they managed that twice!). Never having the car we specified. (To a Brit, a Jeep is NOT the same as a Chevrolet, and a big Ford is NOT a ‘Premium’ car) As for a Volvo – Visit Europe guys! We don’t drive ‘sedans’ and we transport cattle in ‘wagons’. So many a ding-dong, and a score of about 50%.
Now we have a new champion! Rentalcars.com (part of TravelJigsaw – possibly one part that doesn’t quite fit). When it comes to sheer idiocy and incompetence, they are the new champions.
Let me explain …
When it comes to organising a trip to the USA, I AM GOOD AT IT! Done it so many times. Know where to look. Know which airlines will spill a drink over you, and laugh (US Airways), know how to slip through the security net, for a quick ciggie (I don’t smoke now, and I am not telling you which airports), and which US car has the worst seat belts (Ford Mustang 2003).
I also know where to look for the best car rental rates. For the past few years, I have used Carhire3000, which is now Rentalcars.com. And none the better for a change of name.
This time, I am planning a biggie. Sea to Shining Sea. Atlantic to Pacific, and along a large chunk of Route 66. One way trip, so I will not be taking the car back at the end of the hire. Which will incur a one-way charge. I know this, and accept it. And plan for it. In synch with flights, timeshares, motels etc.
It all has to be done together, or the whole house of cards will fall (expensively) around your ears. I study the weather, I move the pieces around until I have a perfect fit.
(The original plan was Dallas to San Francisco, which became Charlotte North Carolina to San Francisco, then Charlotte to Las Vegas, and finally Orlando Florida to Los Angeles.
The car rental came last. There are plenty cars to go round. I checked up on the one-way charge. National Car Rental was the best. I went on the net for a quote from Rentalcars.com, and they came back with £700 (approx). I phoned about the one-way charge. Definitely National. They then knocked off £20 because I was a ‘good customer’. Then they phoned me. £500! Amazing! I asked about the one-way charge. No problem. None. Fantastic!
I did the plastic card boogie, then awaited confirmation. It came in the form of a No-No! Supervisor OKed the deal, but the manager said ‘No!’ Best they could do was £600. Thought about it. Bit disappointed, but hey! Split the difference. OK. Did the plastic card boogie. Again. Awaited confirmation. And the next day, it came.
There was an additional $750 for the one-way charge. On top of the £600. I will not type out my next few hundred words, except for ‘Do you think that I am crazy?’ or ‘No Way!’ (what I actually said had an extra word in it!’ The total came to over £1,000. I could buy a car for less!
Needless to say, I told them precisely where to send their ‘quote’ and suggested that their future lay in alternative employment.
The following day, I did the footwork myself, and went to National Car Rental (as they should have done). I got the special offer of an extra driver for free, a reasonable one-way rate ($250 + tax), and a full-size car. £700 all-in. And Rentalcars.com got not a rentalcar.crumb.
So ‘Remember the Rentalcar.crap’ might not be as catchy as the little punch up in San Antonio, but I do have it organised, and I will be driving USA, next year. And as long as I can manage.
So when you get a chance to enter the ‘Sea to Shining Sea Disaster Sweepstake’, better be really imaginative with your choice of catastrophe. Because I probably thought of it first!
On that note, I had better finish up my last trip. Before it runs headlong into the next.