Here we are on our last day in the United States of America. After crossing this country from East to West, I can only think that the great distance separating the parts makes it possible to believe that this is a united country. The reality is very different. But that is what makes the place fascinating. Unity is an illusion – and we were in the Capital of Grand Illusions. Hollywood.
We were entitled to our motel room till 12 o’clock, so we walked down to Hollywood Boulevard, and had another look. In the daytime. When the nightlife was asleep. No so many pimps and hookers – lots more tourists. And Spiderman. He just came walking down the street. Nobody paid any attention to him. He walked right past us. The wife never noticed – she was reading all the stars in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I took a photo, just wanted proof!
We were headed for the Highland Centre. It has a unique feature. It is built with a central walkway at a particular angle. If you look along it, you discover that it points directly at the Hollywood Sign. If you want a photo with the sign in the background, this is the place. There is even a stone lounge seat, just so you can pose for the camera. Make sure that you walk through the Centre. The elephants are truly bizarre. Hollywood, naturally!
Grauman’s Chinese Theatre is next door. Never mind the Walk of Fame – you can’t say that you have made it until you get to make hand or footprints in the cement slabs, out in front. Considering that the only thing Chinese about the place is the name and the over-styled Chinese Restaurant look, it attracts an enormous amount of Chinese tourists. Authenticity by tradion! Must be those Jackie Chan ‘Rush Hour’ movies …
A mix of flash and trash. We passed the Scientology Centre, but Tom Cruise wasn’t in that day. Lots of stars in the sidewalk, and lots of photos. The wife dragged me past Fredericks of Hollywood. I was just looking. Honest!
A couple of hours, then back to the car. It wasn’t even 12 o’clock, and we didn’t need to be at the airport until 4 o’clock. So the plan was …
… set the car navigator for the airport, but if anything caught our eye, we would have a look. We were never going to be more than half an hour from the airport. No more than 15 miles at worst.
What really grabbed our eye, was the next clue. The Mother Road ends here. A black bird with only one thought in her mind.
That was enough. Right turn, and heading for the ocean. The Pacific Ocean. From Sea to Shining Sea. The Big One. Heading West till California ran out. With a short stop for a photo opportunity. The Beverley Hills sign. A quick spin around the block, past all the rich folks, with their manicured grass, flash cars and tasteless houses. Now that the car exhausts have been cleaned up, the only smell here is money. The place reeks of it. You never get to see the residents – only the maids and the gardeners. All waiting to clean the houses and groom the gardens. I hated the place. It was a part of America, true. But only the hair around the plughole when the goodness has drained all away.
Confession: I am proud to be working class. Or more accurately. One who does not believe in class. Only the worth of people. Not by birth or bank balance. By character, by effort, by decency.
A Man’s a Man, for a’ that.
(and before the feminists start to bleat, that is what Rabbie said. The term includes everybody. Gender, colour, age, wealth, regardless. Don’t show yourself up by quibbling!)
We had intended to run down to the south of California, if possible. But we decided otherwise. Perhaps the next time …
Which would have taken us to our next clue. Migrating birds by a dotty group.
As we pondered the joys of Beverley Hills, I noticed that there was a film crew, working away in a road behind the Beverley Hills sign. Time to grab the camera, and take the film opportunity of a lifetime. A bit of casual manoeuvring past the police on film-set duty, and approaching from front past the texting dog-walkers, I got a good position with my camera. Alternating between stills and cine, a made good use of my zoom lens. Lots of detail. I was noticed by one of the main crew, and they asked me to move across a few feet so that I would not be in the shot. Fair enough. He had a job to do, and I didn’t mind. He did ask a couple of dollybirds to stay in the background, just in case the star had to walk in that direction. Sexism and ageism! Terrible! Well, not really! Just Hollywood.
I filmed the cars. Caddilac and a Chevrolet Corvette. Got the make-up lady doing one of the stars. Didn’t recognize her, but she looked a trifle on the muscular side for a leading lady. She was a Cage Fighter in real life, so the ideal companion on a visit to the seedier side of Hollywood. Looked like she could handle herself in a pub fight (credit to ‘Mock the Week’).
They were filming the cinema version of ‘The Entourage’ – supposedly based on the life of Mark Wahlberg. It was successful American TV series, so the tell me. Mark was there on site as the producer. There were a few names there, but none that I was familiar with.
Then I got noticed by one of the junior gophers. They work for nothing, just cling around the edge of the water-hole, hoping to find an opportunity to get into the inner circle of the film industry. Officious little man, so he was.
“Would you mind not filming! For the respect of the stars!”
Like being asked not to wear trainers in a brothel.
No sense in causing trouble.
“Fair Enough!” I said.
“Duh?”
“Fair enough.” I repeated.
“Duh??”
The boy was just not getting it!
“I’m speaking English, you know …” Very politely.
” … I said ‘Fair Enough’ “.
“Oh! It’s difficult hearing you when there is someone talking in my ear all the time.”
“I have the same problem, you useless *@#!!ing pillock!”
The two dollybirds giggled, but the ‘pillock’ just looked vacant, then wandered back to the pack.
The cops didn’t come to arrest me, so my 10 minutes of fame may come some other time.
That’s Hollywood for you!
This clue is the title of the whole blog series performed by a church group.
We carried on the Pacific at Santa Monica. Parked the car and wandered around the end of The Mother Road, the Will Rogers Highway, Route 66. This is the western end of arguably the most famous road in the world. We didn’t drive all of it – another time, perhaps – but we did do it from Okla City, and before that, we had followed the Cherokee on the Trail of Tears from the Smoky Mountains to Oklahoma.
We didn’t go as far as this city, but it is down South near the Mexican border. The Navy’s here with the little children.
Holiday over. That left one final clue and one thing to do at the airport with the Biblical folk trio.
When we handed in our hire car at the airport, it had clocked up 4,006 miles across America. We had crossed deserts, mountains and swamps. The car never faltered. I can thoroughly recommend our Ford Fusion SE. Good looking car. Comfortable and reliable. Go for the V6. To heck with economy! You need a bit of grunt to cross a continent.
Would I do the trip again. You pay for it, and I will do the driving. What do YOU think?
That is it, then. All the questions asked. Just need answers. If some are a bit vague, I might be persuaded to give a little more info. And I will be adding the photos in. It has not been a quiet month since we came back. New car. More hospital visits than I care for, and a certain kinship with people who have been kidnapped by aliens. Everything checks out so far …
So get those contest entries to me. There is a great prize awaiting! We will hold it open as long as need be. Get working on them!
Here are 10 views in Hollywood, picked almost at random. If you want the detail, click on the picture (but be warned – they are big files!).
All pics (c) tachras 2014
