Now that we are well in to the New Year, and the Festive Season Apathy is being replaced by the Book Your Holiday Smart-Arsed Advertising Campaign, it is an appropriate time to reflect on things – old and new …
OK. Cliché done. Let’s move on!
I hate the LISTS that lazy journalists churn out at this time of year. 10 ways to determine if you are stressed. Well listen here, matey, you have discovered number 11 ….
50 things you didn’t know. Huh! There are MILLIONS of things I don’t know! And I don’t need a list to prove it. People who died last year. I know, I know! I read the news, and I do still remember the odd fact. If they were still wandering the streets, then that WOULD be NEWS! Zombie fans – today’s the day! (… or not …)
At least, the roads are no longer full of those people who normally only drive on a Sunday, in the summer, on sunny days, at 30 mph maximum. On their way to or from a pub lunch. They all come out at Christmas because they need to shop (prodigiously) and they are totally incapable of foul-weather driving. Into a ditch at the first snowflake – real or imagined. You inconsiderate people. Don’t you know that you are forcing impatient nutters to overtake even larger queues on blind bends at ridiculous speeds. Don’t you know that these frantic looneys have to drive with one headlight (rear light, brake light) because they don’t have the time to replace the bulbs! (I spotted one yesterday with only 2 rear bulbs lit on his Mondeo – this model has 6 rear light bulbs. At what stage will he decide that enough is not nearly enough. Or has his ‘Bulb failure’ dashboard bulb burned out due to over-use?)
Am I merely irritated by those holiday adverts because I have already organised my next holiday? Perhaps … Or is it the constant barrage of airport parking emails? Dear Purple Parking. NO! I am NOT flying from Heathrow, I don’t need a parking space. Give it to the poor …
New Year Resolutions? None. If you can’t do it in the other 11 months, then why bother in January? I was always skint after Christmas, the next wage didn’t come in until the end of January. We never needed to fast. We were starving anyway! Go on a diet? We would have loved to have more food than the average dieter/faster/resolutionist.
Oooops! Just gave away my working class origins. No middle class at all. But then, you probably suspected that I lacked class. No chance of a knighthood, then, I suppose. Then again, I was never a banker, politician, or upper class twit. So something to be proud of.
I reach retirement age, this year. Old Age pensioner, even. Will I stop? Hell NO! There is something really wonderful about not caring about promotion, social acceptance, or any other aspect of climbing the greasy pole at work. The world population is growing faster than I can manage to individually upset people. So! On average, my personal appeal grows! So I had better get back to writing so that I can upset my mass audience! (I refuse to count them. Safer that way.)
So Have a great New Year, feel free to write. You might even manage to upset someone. And that way, true democracy will flourish …
Mesklin